I often teach about the archetype of guilt and shame and how to transmute it. I share about it because I am passionate about helping myself and others to move through patterns of self-sabotage. Guilt and shame are at the core of many people’s addictions and their relationship challenges. It affects all people from all walks of life. Embarrassment is also rooted in guilt and shame. Given that guilt and shame happen in relation to other people, they are codependent by nature.
The good news is that guilt and shame offer us a huge opportunity for more self confidence and self assurance, IF we are willing to stay and FEEL.
I was taken by surprise the other day when I felt a tremendous amount of guilt and shame. At first, it seemed so silly to me that I could feel such embarrassment about something so small but I realized this feeling of guilt and shame were way deeper and way more significant than than the event itself. I committed to finding out how deep my feeling of embarrassment and shame went. I committed to finding out all there was to know about guilt and shame and what it “turned into” for me.
I love fresh squeezed juice. I like to have it ready to go for the next morning, even if I am out of town and this was one of those occasions. I had already put on my comfy night pants and had propped myself in bed to read and respond to emails. I asked my beloved, who had already gone on several errands for me, to go get juice. He politely refused but agreed to accompany me to go and get it. I could feel him desiring to go quickly and I felt he was hurrying me (and I will address that with him today). At any rate, I felt rushed and I hadn’t unpacked my luggage so I grabbed the clothes laying on the chair that I had worn on at 5:30 am flight earlier that day. I remember thinking that the clothes felt dirty to me but I threw them on anyway and headed out the door. I said as we headed out the door I said, “I hope I don’t see anyone I know.”
Be careful what you leave on the screen of your mind!
Being the powerful manifestor I am, I saw not one but SEVERAL people I knew. Granted, they were lovely people that had just shown their love and appreciation for me and they certainly were not inclined to judge me but nevertheless, I felt embarrassed! And this feeling was so disproportionate to the actual event. At first I thought to myself, so what if had disheveled hair, no make up and airport clothes on. . . no biggie. Normally, this would not be such a source of contention for me. But here it was. I felt shame. I FELT DIRTY! And to make matters worse I began to feel guilt and shame…. about feeling guilt and shame! I was making myself wrong for feeling embarrassed.
None of this made sense to my adult mind but I could FEEL this was rooted in DEEP FEELING.
It takes courage to feel your feelings.
I began to have internal dialogue and I could hear the voice in my head become negative and berating. For someone like me, who typically has a peaceful inner terrain and a quiet mind, this was disconcerting. I have many tools in my tool box so I began to ask myself, “When was the first time that I felt this way?”
I knew there was something different here at work. I knew that in the past week, I had felt more guilt than I had in many years. That is when I realized this was actually my NEXT LEVEL OF SELF WORTH RETURNING and it was pushing up everything that was in opposition to MY TRUE GOD VALUE!
I realized that any co-dependence in me was coming up to the surface because it was actually leaving, transmuting and it was screaming in it’s death throws. I knew that worrying about what anyone thinks of me would not make it through the veil of my GOD SOVEREIGNTY & GOD SECURITY.
I committed to finding out everything there was to know about my guilt and shame. I recalled a painful memory for me from when I was younger, when I felt I was wearing something dirty. I allowed that memory to get bigger. I allowed the pain of the memory to get bigger. I STAYED AND I FELT, and I allowed my feelings to get bigger.
I found that under this small incident was a storehouse of more guilt and shame of “not being enough.”
It was not necessarily comfortable for me to explore how I was feeling and feel my feelings. Many people would go grab some wine! But I knew that the other side of this was peace, ease, and security!
I put on some essential oils.
I put my arms around me and that TENDER LITTLE GIRL INSIDE ME AND I TOLD HER IT WAS OKAY.
IT WAS ALL OKAY!
Our biggest breakthrough moments aren’t necessarily going to come from our successes and wins. They are going to come when we can “get real” with ourselves. Our feeling world is at the level of a three year old child. Our feelings won’t make sense to our adult mind! They will be disproportionate to the actual event. This level of guilt and shame over something so slight did not make sense to my adult mind. When I slowed down and allowed myself to feel, I found my most tender and loving self.
My heart found it’s own intuitive way back home to ME.
I found my way back to the most sacred, truest and tenderest ME!
All judgement comes from within us. We may judge ourself THROUGH OTHERS but we have to judge ourselves first, for others to be able to judge us.
To paraphrase Eleanor Roosevelt, no one can cause us to feel humiliation or shame without our consent. In fact, guilt and shame are always an “inside job.” Conversely, withdrawing our consent can end shame-based pain immediately. That’s because the real cause of shame isn’t being judged or attacked by others, it comes from JUDGING OURSELVES THROUGH OTHERS. The truth is that we are all immaculate, pristine and divine. Guilt and shame come from the belief that we are in someway, wrong or bad.
While it will certainly serve you to recognize if you have gotten off track from your real values, if you beat yourself up about it you are doomed to stay in the same place and repeat the same mistakes. If you find you are doing things that are not in alignment with who you truly are, then recommit and make a course correction. However, if you make yourself wrong for it, you will never be able to remember your own purity and God perfection.
I knew intellectually that we are all here to turn our greatest weaknesses into our greatest strengths but I had to ask myself, “What does this turn in to for me personally?”
I remembered how much I l truly love and care. I remembered that my love has the power to consume and transmute all guilt and shame. I remembered that I am here to help others remember their love. I remembered that before I can help anyone else, I must walk all the way through guilt and shame to the other side! So I committed to finding the other side!
The other side is:
HONOR. RESPECT. PRIDE. PURITY. INTEGRITY. GOODNESS. SECURITY. EASE
I imagined the purest images I could think of. I saw the images of Divine Mother Mary and of Jesus and so many of the saints and sages that walked before us. I remembered that we are all as PURE as those saints and sages that walked before us.
So how much love is it going to take to resurrect and heal guilt and shame in our world?
How much love and forgiveness is it going to take to remember our purity?
.All MY love. All YOUR love. All OUR love.
IMAGINE how YOU FEEL now that the people you love most are truly PROUD of themselves?
You must give it to you first though, for them to receive it.
When you feel proud of yourself, your loved ones will feel proud of themselves.